You never know (Reflective Essay #1)

     Kids are always focused on something. Butterflies, Legos, books, or nature. Whatever. And although you were interested in all of them, Wonhyuk, what you really craved was knowledge. You would read and read and just never lot go of a book. At young age you discovered the superiority of knowledge and the shame of ignorance. You wanted know everything-but of course no one can know everything.

     You had no idea what you really wanted to be, but you always loved science and mathematics. You would memorize the names of the planets in the solar system for no apparent reason and admire the ingenious theory of Einstein that you barely understood at all. You knew more than your peers, but you never really knew much to know that you did not know much. The more you learn, the more you know that there is more to learn and study.

     You cried once. You might not remember, but all of a sudden you cried while watching the television. In the television there was a kid who knew everything about cars, and you cried. And when asked why, you answered, “I don’t know what he does.” Why are we so impotent? Why is the universe so large and so mysterious, that we cannot bring to understand even its single aspect, and we die only learning that we have actually learned nothing? As Socrates said, “all you know is that you know nothing.”

     The root of the problem is ambivalence. Homo sapiens is neither stupid enough to not realize ignorance nor is it capable of fully understanding the nature surrounding them. But this is not something you could fix. Facing an insoluble problem, you had to give up-no one can be omniscient.

     You instead chose to learn the important things. Probably the most important things in the universe. The universe itself-and its laws. It’s not that you would refuse to know what the neighbors ate for dinner, but only that you felt it was unnecessary to ridicule yourself for trying to concern with those trivial matters. Time was running out. Time is still running out. As Yoda said, “much to learn, you still have.”

     Your youth hero, Einstein, looked much more respectful, real, and human. You truly understood the great accomplishments he had made and almost felt compelled to respect such a genius. You almost felt embarrassed for the young you who babbled about theory of relativity you read in a children’s book without really understanding what it meant. The irritating thing about ignorance is that when you are ignorant, you don’t even know that you have something to know. Realizing you are ignorant is the important part. Actually learning it is a rather easier process.

     You gave up knowing everything. But it was an inevitable choice, because no one can know everything. Now you selectively accumulate knowledge; you’re becoming closer to a so-called expert. You are now immersed in physics and you enjoy learning it. You should remember, however, that it was only out of need that you chose not to learn everything else. You should never really give up. Who knows? Maybe God might give you omniscience in afterlife. You never know.